Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Another Product I Had to Send Back to the Store

Hello Everyone!

When my family and I finished watching the excellent advertising video below (created by a Mr. Dave Hill who runs what I gather is a very nice vacation spot) we all had the exact same thought you did!

No question about it! We needed new furniture!

But as you will see from the following letter, the Ikea Line of Naked People Furniture fell far short of our expectations.

“Dear Ikea Naked People Furniture Department:

Please find enclosed via this retired Greyhound bus the furniture I purchased from you the previous month.

While I and my entire family were initially extremely excited when our new furniture marched in single file up through our attic door, the experience ended in a very profound sense of disappointment for multitudinous reasons, a few of which I shall enumerate below:

1) The water refused to stay in the bathtub.

2) Once I got the ironing board to stop screaming, I could no longer iron the wrinkles out of my pants.

3) My wife, Gladys, spent a whole week turning the floor lamp on and off.

4) While it is very nice and convenient to rearrange the living room furniture by simple verbal commands, Gladys did not respond well to snide comments on her feng shui from a coffee table (nor is she one who normally kicks the furniture!)

5) While I found the lounger reached my exacting standards of comfort and obedience, I do not appreciate bursts of flatulence while I watch Barney and Friends! (Contrary to what Some People say, I do recognize sarcasm when I hear it!)

6) Water bill for last month: $75,000.

7) Food bill for last month: $95,000.

8) Line to use the bathroom: Endless.

9) The coat tree asked my daughter Zenobia for a date (and I am not telling you how that went)!

10) While the bed set provided (as claimed) comfort equal to a water bed, its constant bathroom trips kept Gladys and I up all night (and the mattress hogged all the blankets).

As a Marketing Professional and Product Developer myself (the Hugh Lafferty Indoor JetPak), I admire your marketing campaign as one of the very best of its kind that I have ever seen. However—-if I may be so bold to state-–the product itself may need more “Thinking and Tweaking” (as we Marketing Pros put it!) before being permitted to enter the marketplace again.

But rest assured! When that day comes, the entire Lafferty family will be in our starting blocks, right by Ikea’s front door!

Thank you for your help.”